


you hold the deepest secrets (and cry the most tears)

by ctrlchaeng



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Biphobia, Bullying, F/F, F/M, Misgendering, Other, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-17 12:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5869078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ctrlchaeng/pseuds/ctrlchaeng
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you’re the good kid in high school who always gets perfect grades and I’m the kid who always gets in trouble and for some reason you’re in the principal’s office too and I want to know what you did au.</p><p>or</p><p>Carmilla doesn't know what she wants, Laura's trying to get her dad back, LaFontaine has to go back in the closet, Perry's questioning everything her parents have ever taught her, Danny doesn't want to lose her presidency and Kirsch is scared he won't be able to swim his way into college.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One.

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so I finally decided to post this. I hope you guys like it. please feel free to leave your thoughts after reading.

_**Wednesday.** _

 She looks at her without even trying to hide her confusion or amusement at all. She thinks her name is Laura, but she's not sure. She doesn't really care. She just wants to know what she's doing here. Why on _Earth_ is the girl with the most perfect grades and reputation in the principal's office, sitting just across from her?

 It's not like Carmilla's never seen her there before. Though it certainly is the first time she looks as if she isn't there just because she wants to. It's also the first time she doesn't look like the perfect girl she's always been. Her dirty blonde hair is messy and she has this little scratch on her face. She looks pretty upset and-

 "Would you like to take a picture?" She snaps, looking straight at Carmilla. "I can lend you my phone and email it to you later, maybe that'll make you stop staring."

 She tries her best not to look surprised, she really does, but it doesn't seem to work very well.

 "I know what you're thinking," Laura says. "Perfect grades girl has a temper, how _astonishing_."

 Carmilla smirks. This girl is kind of funny. And she's also kind of right. It doesn't matter, though. It isn't like she's going to let her know.

 "Sorry, cupcake, looks like you're bad at reading people's minds," she lies, looking straight at her. "I was just wondering what had happened to that pretty face of yours."  
  
 "Well, last time I checked that was absolutely none of your business," Laura states, annoyance clear in her voice.

 "Okay, _now_ I may be thinking perfect grades girl has a temper."

 A hint of a smile appears on Laura's face. It's brief, though. She goes back to being awfully upset just a few seconds later.

 "So what'd you do, cutie?" Carmilla asks.

 She wasn't lying when she said she wanted to know what had happened to her. She wasn't lying about her face being pretty either. She mentally slaps herself for thinking that last part.

 "Again, none of your business," she maintains, though the aggressive tone is long gone. She's trying to get there, no doubt. But it just comes out as a mere whisper. "And don't call me that."

 "Call you what, creampuff?"

 "My name is Laura!"

 Should she call her another nickname or should she just be nice for once?

 "I know," she finds herself saying. She takes a deep breath and continues. "Mine's Carmilla."

 She doesn't know why she said that last part, but she did. She waits expectantly for Laura's response.

 "I know."

 Laura looks down at the floor and stays like that. Carmilla does the same, but with a smile on her face. They don't speak again.

 -

 Perry plays with the food in front of her again. Well, if organizing the fries by size can be considered as playing. How is it possible that the school only ever gives their students junk food? She doesn't know. Maybe because they don't want people to complain. Should she complain anyways? Would people hate her if she did? Would she care if they did?

 "Hey, hottie," Kirsch snaps her out of her trance. "You've been playing with your food for like five minutes. Are you okay?"

 " _Kirsch_ ," Perry starts. She's afraid she'll sound like her mother, but she has to say it. "We've been through this a million times. You don't call girls that, it's not very nice. I know you mean well when you say it, honey, we both do... but girls don't like being objectified."

 "Oh, shit, sorry," he whispers. He really does sound sorry. "I didn't mean to say that. I've been trying not to, you know? But after years it just sticks with you. I'll try my best not to say it again."

 Perry nods in acknowledgment and stares at her food for a few seconds. She takes the burger in her hands and slowly takes a bite. Oh, right. _That's_ why people don't complain. Junk food tastes delicious. She really wishes it didn't.

 "Anyway, you never answered my question," Kirsch says as he takes a bite out of his own burger. "Are you okay?"

 She would trust Kirsch with her life, she really would, but she doesn't want to talk about her problems right now.

 "Yeah, I was just thinking about um... homework."

 "Sure you were," Kirsch smiles and throws a french fry at her.

 "Kirsch!" She shrieks. "Don't play with your food!"  
  
 "Like _you're_ one to talk."

 Perry's face turns red from embarrassment. 

 "I..." she mumbles. "You... no! That's different!"

 "How so, bro?"

 "Because... because I didn't throw it at you, I was only organizing it," she manages to say. "And I'm not liking that bro thing. I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me that."

 "But, Perry, how am I supposed to call you?"

 She doesn't know if he realizes what he just said, but she laughs nonetheless.

 "I don't know," she replies. "I was thinking maybe Perry, _like you just did._ "

 "Shut up, bro," Kirsch emphasizes the last word and he throws another french fry at her while laughing. Perry gasps and she's about to scold him but a familiar sound lets her know she just got a text. She quickly gets her phone from her pocket and reads.

 **LaFontaine (1:20pm):** _hey, are u free rn?_  
**LaFontaine (1:21pm):** _i think i need help with my chemistry homework_  
  
 Perry chuckles. She doesn't know if they think they're fooling her with all of these homework helping requests. But she doesn't want to let them know she knows just yet. She doesn't know if she's ready.

 She feels breath against her cheek and turns around to see Kirsch over her shoulder, looking at her text thread.

 "Hey, is that the homework you were thinking about earlier?"

 He wiggles his eyebrows. Perry turns bright red again. She manages to keep the phone away from Kirsch's sight as she types in her reply.

  **Perry (1:23pm):**   _really, at lunch?_

 "Oh, come on, Perry, don't be so cold to them," Kirsch advises from her shoulder. "I know you like them, you know?"

 "Oh my God, Kirsch!" Perry exclaims. "There's something called privacy, and you're kind of not respecting it right now."

 "Sorry," he says sadly. "I won't do it again, promise."

 But then Perry wonders if maybe Kirsch is right. Maybe she is being a bit cold with LaFontaine. Her friend's about to leave when she grabs him by his shirt. She quickly types again and shows it to him.

 **Perry (1:25pm):** _ok, see you in a few minutes_

 "Is that better?" She asks.

 "Smiley face, Perry," Kirsch whispers in her ear. "A smiley face doesn't hurt anyone. Not even you."

 She hits him, but sends a smiley face anyway.

 -

 Danny walks a bit late into the cafeteria, she'd been assisting her English teacher again. If she did a good job maybe the teacher would give her extra credit, and she needs the extra credit. She reaches the Summer Society table tired but ready to talk about the annual Adonis Triathlon they host, and is not surprised to find Melanippe Callis already talking about it. That girl's been trying to sabotage her presidency for the three weeks she's had it.

 "Look who decided to show up," Mel interrupts her speech to the Summer's to look at Danny. "You know, for a President, you're always late."

 Danny finds herself too tired to even try and reply to that comment. She decides to ignore it. A good leader needs to know how to put up with people like Mel, right? Right.

 "Any progress you'd like to report, Callis?" She asks, sitting down and starting to eat.

 "We think we need to have some sort of student gathering," Mel replies with that authoritative tone she always has. "Tell them the basics of a triathlon so they can sign up."

 "That's not what _we_ think!" A girl chimes in. Sarah Jane, Danny remembers. She thinks people call her SJ. "That's what _you_ think!"

 Mel gives SJ a death glare.

 "And what do you think, SJ?" Danny asks. The girl smiles at her and she knows she's got her name right. She's been trying to memorize all of them for a few weeks now. She's finally President of the Summer Society. That's been her dream ever since she was a freshman and the sisterhood helped her. And she doesn't want something as trivial as names to jeopardize her position.

 "Well, I think we need to face the fact that people aren't that interested in the triathlon. And a boring gathering is not going to do us any favors," SJ says. Some girls nod. "I think we should take advantage of the fact that homecoming is a week after the triathlon. Put up posters saying that the best three will go for free with their dates or something like that. After they sign up, we give them the basics on paper."

 "That's a good idea to start with, SJ," Danny smiles. "Anyone else?"

 Everyone shakes their heads. Except for Mel.

 "Lawrence, I still think we should have a ga-" she tries to argue.

 "Look, Mel," Danny cuts her off. "We're a community, and as a community we listen to everyone's opinion. That includes yours. And we already listened to yours. But in the end we'll go with the one most of us agree on. That's democracy." Mel doesn't look pleased. "Okay, let's vote then. The one's on favor of Mel's idea raise your hands."

 Mel and two girls from the twenty who are there raise their hands.

 "Now the one's on favor of SJ's idea."  
  
 The other seventeen girls, Danny included, raise their hands.

 "It's settled then. SJ, given that it was your idea, would you like to be in charge of the posters?"

 SJ nods enthusiastically and her eyes widen.

 "Okay." Danny feels all the eyes on her, and it feels so good. "Meeting adjourned! You can finish your food, guys."

 They laugh and start eating again. Well, except for Mel. She just sits there, arms crossed. Danny starts looking around the table and her eyes fall on SJ again. She kind of sees herself in the junior girl. She's enthusiastic but doesn't go over other people's opinions.

 "Hey, SJ, do you want to sit next to me?" She suddenly hears herself saying. "Maybe we could keep talking about those posters."

 "Sure," she replies. Danny swears she sees her eyes sparkling. She's next to her in just a few seconds. "So I was thinking of just putting down what's necessary, not overcrowding it with information, so that people will actually stop to read it."

 "Yeah, that's a pretty smart move," Danny smiles.  
  
 "Careful, SJ," Mel blurts out of nowhere. "Seems like Danny has a crush on you. Wouldn't want you to end up at homecoming with her and a guy."

 Danny looks away from SJ's mortified face to Mel's satisfied one. She's overcome by anger and she feels her hand turn into a fist, but then Mel laughs and she gets it. That's exactly what she wants. And she's not about to give it to her. She breaths in and starts counting down from ten.

 "Mel, that was not funny," SJ whispers.

 _Nine._  
  
 "No, no, you didn't get it. It's because she's bi." Mel laughs again. _Eight, seven._ "She'll probably have a threesome with you and the guy and then leave you."

  _Six, five._

 "Just looking out for you, SJ," she keeps going. _Four._ "Don't want you to end up in a relationship with a girl that's half with you and half pining over penis."

 She breaths out because she feels her fist form again, which means she has to start over. She breaths in. _Ten, nine, eight._

 "Mel, I think you should leave," another girl says. Danny doesn't even try to remember her name.

_Seven, six, five._

 "I was leaving anyway."

 Mel walks away but her words are already said and Danny's anger is still there.

 "Danny..." SJ mumbles as she takes her hand. _Four, three._ "Come on, Danny, don't pay attention to her. She's not worth it."

 Danny knows that. She does. But what Mel had said... it had sounded so much like what her brother told her once. And those words still stung. Deep in her chest, they stung.

 "Danny," SJ pleads. She squeezes her hand. _Two, one._ She breaths out and feels her anger leave with the carbon dioxide. She replaces it with oxygen and sadness. "Danny, talk to me."

 "It's okay, SJ," she manages to say. "I... uh." She pauses and clears her throat before talking. "I just hadn't um... heard biphobic comments in a while. It caught me off guard. I wasn't ready to hear it."

 "You should _never_ be ready to hear something like that!" SJ sounds horrified. "You should never hear something like that in the first place!"

 "No, believe me, I know that," Danny smiles sadly. "It's just that usually I can take it."

 SJ calms down and nods in understanding.

 "I... um," Danny lets go of the girl's hand. "I need to go."

 "But you've barely eaten..." SJ says worriedly.

 "I'll be okay," Danny shakes it off as she stands up. "See you around, SJ. And thanks."

 She walks away feeling unprofessional for cutting their meeting short, but she just can't be there anymore. She lets her feet walk without knowing where she's going, but at the same time she does know. When she gets to the field she starts walking faster, and then jogging, and then running. Running's always helped her sadness go away. So she runs.

 -

 "...so like, you can charge your phone with urine! Isn't that amazing?"

 "So amazing," Carmilla responds, unfazed.  
  
 LaFontaine looks at her in disbelief for a second. They know Carmilla is not really a fan of their crazy science stories, but she usually at least pretends she's interested.

 "Hey, Carmilla," they ask, a smirk on their face as they flip their hands in front of their friend's face. "What's going on in that crazy little mind of yo-?"

 "You'll never believe who was at the principal's office."

 Oh, so that's what Carmilla's been thinking about this whole time. Well, _who_ she's been thinking about this whole time. _Mental-self five._

 "Hmm... Laura Hollis?" They respond.

 "How'd you know?" Carmilla asks a bit surprised. Their phone chimes but they ignore it. They ache to read Perry's response, but they don't like it when Carmilla doesn't pay attention to them, and they're not about to do the same thing with her. Plus, the conversation is getting kind of interesting.

 "Lucky guess," they smile as they wiggle their eyebrows.

 Carmilla hits them playfully in the arm, and Laf laughs and makes a face pretending to be hurt.

 "Come on, just tell me how'd you know it was her."

 "Wait, you seriously don't know?"

 "Know what?"

 "But it's all over school!"

 Carmilla scoffs.

 "You know I don't pay attention to that shit."

 "Well, if you did maybe you'd know what Laura was doing there." Carmilla looks at them, expectant. "Okay, so apparently she beat up two kids."

 Carmilla almost chokes on the water she's drinking. LaFontaine wishes she was half as interested in their stories as she seems to be about this girl beating up two boys. But it's also kind of weird. Since when is Carmilla interested in school gossip?

 "Do you know why?" She asks, intrigued.

 "No," Laf says as they smirk. Maybe Carmilla's not interested in all gossip. Maybe just Laura gossip. "And why all of these sudden questions about Laura? Is my broody teenage friend crushing on someone?"  
  
 "You're a teenager, too, you idiot."

 "Didn't answer my question, I see," they smile. "Come on, Karnstein, this is a safe space, so just tell your buddy Laf, do you have a crush?"

 Carmilla rolls her eyes and blatantly ignores their question, again.

 "So how does it work?"

 "How does what work?"

 "That charging your phone with urine thingy, gingerbread." She avoids eye contact. "Thought we were talking about that."

 Laf smiles. Does Carmilla really think they'll let her go that easily? If she does, she clearly doesn't know them very well. Their phone chimes, they ignore it again. It's harder this time. Why is Perry texting them so much? Is she saying no? Ugh, this being polite thing is killing them. They try to forget about it by teasing Carmilla.

 "I already told you how it works," they say. "Of course, you weren't listening. I mean, with all the thinking about Hollis you were doing I doubt you payed any attention."

 Carmilla's face turns red. Wow, Laf thinks, she really does have a crush on her.

 "Oh my God, LaFontaine," Carmilla covers her face with her hands. "Do you want me to leave? 'Cause I will."

 "Oh, off to see your little girlfriend?"

 "No," Carmilla replies, rolling her eyes. "I just don't want to be here when that neat freak crush of yours comes here to talk about whatever excuse you made up now."

 LaFontaine blushes at the mention of Perry, and the fact that Carmilla's kind of totally right.

 "I don't know what you're talking about," they try.

 "Oh, come on Laf," she stands up with a winning smirk on her face. "She's been texting you. I know you guys are going to meet up. I won't cockblock you. See you later."

 Carmilla leaves and their phone chimes again. They eagerly take it out and open Perry's text thread.

**Perry (1:23pm):** _really, at lunch?_  
**Perry (1:25pm):** _ok, see you in a few minutes_  
**Perry (1:26pm):** _:)_

 They look at the smiley face for a few seconds before they smile themselves.

 -

 Kirsch touches the edge of the pool and emerges. He thinks he did well. He looks up at his coach for a sign, but his face doesn't give anything away.

 "Not even close, Wilson," he finally says as he shows him his time. He takes off his goggles and checks it. He's done better, but it's still a good time. His coach doesn't look that happy about it, though. Maybe it's not that good after all. "Ready for another round?"

 "I think I might need a break," Kirsch replies, still trying to catch his breath. "Just a few minutes. Maybe some water."

 "No breaks, Wilson," his coach dictates. "We both know swimming might be the only way you'll get into college, so I'd really appreciate it if you did your best."

 Kirsch tries to hide how much those words hurt him by looking down at his coach's shoes.

 "But I _am_ doing my best..." he whispers.

 "Then I'm afraid you're not getting into college," his coach fumes. "Is that what you want, Wilson?"

 Kirsch shakes his head no.

 "I didn't quite hear that. Let's try it again, shall we?" He scratches his head and looks Kirsch straight in the eye. "Is that what you want, Wilson?"

 "No."

 His coach looks at him in disbelief.

 "No, what, Wilson?" He barks. "It's like you're not even trying! Let's do it just one more time. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT WILSON?"

 "NO, SIR."

 "NOW PUT THOSE FUCKING GOGGLES BACK ON THAT UGLY FACE OF YOURS AND SWIM."

 So Kirsch puts his goggles on and swims. And swims. And swims.

 -

 Perry takes out a couple of notebooks and books to put in her backpack and closes her locker. She thinks of her lunch with LaFontaine on her way out of school. They always manage to make her laugh, and she doesn't really know how. She really enjoys spending time with them, and she's annoyed with herself for having to overthink things so much.

 She knows it shouldn't matter this much but it does. She's been questioning her sexuality for quite some time now, though she hasn't come to a conclusion yet. And until she does, she doesn't really want to date anyone. She's always been this way. She always wants to have everything sorted out before jumping into decisions. But LaFontaine is making it so hard not to.

 She reaches the stairs that will lead her to the street, and she sees someone sitting there. And not just anyone. It's Laura Hollis. She doesn't know what she's doing so late at school. She wasn't at the library, she knows that because she'd been there until it closed.

 "Laura?" Perry asks carefully. The girl turns around and gives her a sad smile. She takes it as a good sign and sits next to her. "Honey, what are you doing here so late?"

 "I'm just waiting for my dad," she responds. "He's... um... talking to the principal."

 Perry remembers LaFontaine said something about Laura beating some kids up, but she pretends she doesn't know and asks anyway. She thinks it should be Laura's decision if she wants to tell her or not.  
  
 "Did something happen, sweetie?"

 Laura looks at her like she's trying to figure something out. Perry maintains her poker face and doesn't look away.

 "I'm pretty sure the whole school knows what happened by now. At least they know that something happened," she mumbles. "And if the whole school knows, and you're in this school, that means you know."

 Perry finally looks away from Laura's intense gaze. She would't admit to anything, but she wouldn't deny it either. She hates lying. She still feels Laura's eyes on her.

 "Look, Laura," she finally speaks up, still not looking at her. "It doesn't really matter if something happened. It's none of my business. But you're clearly upset, and I just want you to know I'm here if you want to talk about it. And I'm also here if you don't."  
  
 "I don't," Laura smiles at her. She looks back at her. "I really don't. But thank you."

 "Don't worry, honey. I'm here for you."

 She looks away for a second and suddenly she feels arms embracing her. She turns around and hugs Laura back. A few seconds pass before she feels Laura sobbing in her shoulder and her embrace tightening. She pats her back and decides she'll stay with her until her dad comes.

 -

 Carmilla gets home to the smell of dinner and the sound of her mom on yet another business call and Will's not so subtle swearing directed to the Xbox in his room. She greets her mom with a wave of her hand. Her mom doesn't respond, but that's no surprise.

 She sets the table as per usual and calls Will and her mother over. Her mom doesn't stop the call while they eat, and Will's looking at his phone so much Carmilla's just waiting for him to drop the food on his shirt. She kind of misses Mattie's presence. At least she asks how her day's been sometimes. At least she cares. She's almost the only one who cares.

 She finally goes upstairs after about fifteen minutes of what already feels like it's just noisier silence. When she gets to her room she thinks about Laura for the hundredth time that day.

 She's noticed her before, but she never really thought that much about her. She only ever saw her as this pretty girl with perfect grades who cared way too much about school. Seeing her like that today had made her curious, and what LaFontaine had told her had just fed her curiosity even more. Beat up two kids? Laura Hollis? That seemed impossible. The girl was small. And smart. How could she do that? Why would she do that? And being curious about Laura Hollis was weird because she was never curious about people. Well, almost never. There were exceptions. And apparently Laura was one of them.

 She decides she's thought of it enough. If she wants to know why Laura beat up those kids she just has to talk to her and ask her why she did it. And that's what she's going to do. She's pretty sure they both got the Saturday morning detention. So she gets Laura out of her mind for the time being and gets the book she's currently reading from her backpack.

 She's laying in bed reading when she gets a text.

 **Lafonbrain (9:20pm):** _i investigated a bit_  
  
**Lafonbrain (9:20pm):** _she beat them bc of smtn they said_  
  
**Lafonbrain (9:21pm):** _u'll know more when i do_

 Carmilla smiles and shakes her head.

**Broodstein (9:22pm):** _no, don't worry about it_

**Broodstein (9:22pm):** _i'll ask her myself_

**Lafonbrain (9:25pm):** _do u think she'll tell u?_

**Broodstein (9:27pm):** _i don't know_

**Broodstein (9:27pm):** _we'll see_


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to upload this yesterday but I'm on vacation and I didn't want to put it up without checking it one last time. Maybe when I go back home I'll have a steady schedule.   
> Also if you haven't read the tags, here are the trigger warnings for this chapter because it's kind of heavy (it was hard to write, too):  
> -bullying.  
> -misgendering.  
> -mention of death.  
> -mention of biphobia.

_**Saturday.** _

 He wakes up because of a constant knocking on his bedroom door. He growls and looks at the time on his phone. It's barely 7am. On a _Saturday_. He knows he has to train, but does he really have to start this early?

 "Wilson," he hears his mom say through the door.

 Kirsch puts a pillow over his head and tries to ignore the knocking.

 "Wilson!"

 He presses the pillow to his head, but the sound just gets louder and more constant.  

 "Wake up, honey!"

 He growls again, but finally gets up. 

 "I'm up, mom," he manages to get out his answer as loud as he can. He scratches his head and clears his throat. "What's up?"

 "Your dad wants you to have breakfast so you guys can start training."

 Kirsch rolls his eyes. As if his dad ever trained _with_ him. He just stood there and screamed at him. 

 "I'll be downstairs in just a minute."

 He searches his room for a usable shirt and some sweatpants.

 "Okay," she says. Kirsch can practically hear her lingering on his door. "Oh, and Wilson, please don't make your father wait too long."

 He rolls his eyes again but goes to the bathroom to take a quick shower. As the cold water hits him he finally starts to wake up and realizes his mom's right. He shouldn't make his father wait too long. He doesn't want him to get mad. He hates it when he gets mad. So he rushes his shower and puts on some clothes before he heads downstairs.

 He eats what his mom's put on the table as fast as he can and goes outside.

 "Took you long enough," his dad says as Kirsch starts stretching. His coach, he reminds himself. His coach had said that, not his dad. Separating Thomas Kirsch into his dad and his coach has always helped him while training. His dad is almost always nice to him, but once they start training he turns into this whole other person who's just throwing insults everywhere. And he really doesn't want to remember his father that way. So he's decided to separate them. It's worked so far. "Okay, now off you go."

 He thinks of telling his coach he's not done stretching, but he doesn't really want to be insulted before the training even starts, so he just starts jogging.

 "What are you doing?!" His coach yells behind him. "Are you a middle aged woman on a diet or a fucking athlete? Run, you moron!"

 Kirsch speeds up until he reaches the end of the street and turns. He makes sure he's out of sight before stopping and finishing up his stretching. He knows it'll up his time and he knows his coach will be mad but he can't just not do it. He remembers what his coach told him last Wednesday on the pool, what he's told him lots of times before.

 He can't risk not stretching because if he doesn't stretch he could get injured.

 And he can't get injured because if he's injured he won't be able to swim his way into college.

 And if he can't swim his way into college...

 He's not the smartest guy, but even he knows without swimming his way in, he's probably not going to go to college.

-

 When Carmilla gets to detention that Saturday morning and sees dirty blonde hair as a greeting to the classroom she knows this day will be interesting. She takes a deep breath and opens the door, catching the attention of both Laura and Mr. Thorne.

 "Glad you decided to show up, Karnstein," Mr. Thorne acknowledges her before giving his usual speech. "Look, guys, let's face it, none of us wants to be here this early. So just give me your phones, be quiet and don't bother me while I sleep or I'll make sure next time you have detention with Luther. And believe me, you don't want detention with Luther."

 Carmilla knows all of this is bullshit. This Luther guy doesn't exist, David Thorne's always been in charge of detention. She knows this because they have a deal: he gives her detention every week and she makes sure he's not disturbed. It's not that hard, since Dave could probably sleep through an earthquake. And she likes detention. It's the only place she can read her books without being interrupted by her mom's business calls, or her brother's video game addiction, or people at the library. Even when she's not the only one at detention, the others just sleep.

 "Good morning to you, too, Dave," she greets him.

 She watches Laura's surprised face from the corner of her eyes, but doesn't look at her just yet. She doesn't admit it, not even to herself, but she's afraid she won't be able to look away.

 She suddenly realizes with Laura there this detention won't be like the others. And she's surprised that she doesn't really mind.

 "Yeah, yeah," he waves it off. "Just give me your phone, kid. And stop calling me Dave."

 "Sorry, Dave." She gives him her phone and smiles. "Won't happen again, Dave." 

 Mr. Thorne smiles back at her and gets Laura's phone before he leaves the classroom.

 Carmilla decides she has to at least try to act normal, so she takes her book out of her backpack and sits down on the floor. She opens it and starts reading. Or tries to start reading. When she notices she's read the same sentence about eight times already she just gives up. She subtly looks up from her book. She can see Laura playing with her fingers and stealing glances at her every once in a while like she's working up the courage to talk to her. She sees her biting the inside of her cheek repeatedly, and she sees her open her mouth just to shut it again, and she sees her almost stand up from her chair and then sit back down.

 She's getting kind of anxious. How much more time until this girl finally talks? It's obvious she wants to. Maybe she just needs a little push. Carmilla makes a show of putting her book back in her backpack and when she looks up Laura's already there. She contains her smile and looks at her with a questioning look.

 "Hey," she says while fidgeting with her fingers. "I'm sorry I was so rude on Wednesday."

 "No worries, cupcake," she replies. She doesn't think she can hold it in for much longer, so she lets herself smile. "I was kind of rude, too."

 "Yeah, you were," Laura chuckles.

 "Hey!" Carmilla gasps. "If I knew you'd treat me like this I wouldn't have accepted your apology."

 Laura giggles and it's cute. Wait. Cute? Carmilla mentally slaps herself for thinking that. Then she realizes she's looking at Laura. And she was right to fear this moment, because she just can't look away.

 "...Carmilla?"

 She snaps out of it. And shit. Shit, shit, _shit_. She's been staring, and she hasn't been listening. She tries to play it cool.

 "Sorry, what?"

 Laura gives her a small smile.

 "I asked if I could sit with you."

 "Sure you can, cutie." She watches as the cutest hint of pink finds its way to Laura's cheeks. "I reckon there's enough space in the floor for both of us."

 Laura laughs and lets herself slide on the wall until she's sitting next to her. She's kind of close. Carmilla swears she can smell her shampoo.  
  
 "Sooo," Laura says as she bumps her shoulder. "What book were you reading?"

 "A Season in Hell," Carmilla answers. Laura looks at her like she's expecting her to go on. "It's by Arthur Rimbaud. And it's actually the only work he ever published himself. I'm liking it so far."

 Laura's face lights up at the mention of Rimbaud.

 "Oh, I think I've heard of him before."

 "Really?" Carmilla's eyes sparkle. She's never known someone who knew him. Then again, she doesn't know that many people. "Where?"

 "Um..." Laura thinks. "Oh, yeah. My dad and I watched a movie once. It was about him and this other guy... Paul something."

 "Paul Verlaine?" She asks excitedly. Laura nods with the biggest smile on her face and Carmilla realizes how she's acting. She tries to calm down a bit. "I didn't know there was a movie. I guess that's cool."

 Laura looks a bit disappointed she stopped acting like an overly excited fangirl.

 "Yeah," she agrees. "It was a really cool movie. I think you'd like it, too. You should watch it."

 Carmilla looks at her again and gives her a genuine smile.

 "Maybe I will."

-

 Danny gets to SJ's house a little late and in a rush. She rings the bell and waits as she tries to catch her breath. After about a minute or so a very well dressed man opens the door. Danny feels kind of underdressed. She knows that's stupid because this is not a formal setting, but she can't help thinking that maybe jeans and a shirt wasn't a good choice after all.  
  
 "Hello, young lady," the man greets her.

 "Hello, sir," she replies. He smiles at her but it doesn't reach his eyes. "I'm Danny, I'm here to see SJ... I mean Sarah Jane. I'm here to see Sarah Jane. We're supposed to..."

 "Yeah, yeah, she told me," he cuts her off. "You're Danny, the uh... Summer Society President, right? She's mentioned you a few times."

 Danny smiles at this. SJ's mentioned her to her dad? She focuses on that instead of in the look that the man is giving her.  
  
 "All good things I hope."

 "Of course, she's only ever said good things about you," he agrees. Once again the smile he gives her doesn't reach his eyes. "Sometimes it's so good it makes me wonder if there's some stuff she's not telling me..."

 Danny is getting kind of nervous at this point. Is there a reason SJ's dad's not letting her in the house? And what the hell does he mean with _stuff she's not telling me?_ She feels a bit awkward standing here. Maybe she'll just leave and invite SJ over to her house instead. She's about to respond when she hears someone running down the stairs.

 "Dad! What are you doing?" She asks embarrassed.

 "Just greeting your friend Danny," he answers without looking away from her. Danny looks over his shoulder at SJ. She's glad to see she's wearing shorts and a loose T-shirt and feels comfortable with her choice of clothes again. She wants to give her a look but she can't with this man staring at her. "She seems _nice_."

"She is," she responds, not noticing the fact that he obviously doesn't mean it. SJ goes under her dad's arm and smiles at Danny. "Okay, dad, we'll be in my room," she says as she takes Danny's hand and guides her to the staircase, completely ignoring her dad's frown. "Knock if you need anything!"

 They reach SJ's room and Danny lets go of her hand trying not to notice the disappointed look on the other girl's face when she does. She leaves her backpack over SJ's bed before sitting there herself and looks around. The walls are blue and so is the lamp that's over a perfectly organised desk and almost everything else in the room. If she hadn't known who's room this was, she probably would have thought it was an adult's. Or Perry's. Never SJ's.

 "So, you like blue," she jokes.

 "Guilty as charged," SJ laughs. "It's my favorite color."

 "No, really?" Danny raises her eyebrows. "I never would've guessed!"

 "Ha-ha," SJ rolls her eyes. "Blue _is_ my favorite color, but this," she motions around the room, "wasn't my idea. Not in the slightest. I asked my dad if I could redecorate and well... he asked me what my favorite color was and bought every blue thing he could find. He makes me clean my room everyday now. I almost wish I still had all the princess stuff, at least I didn't have to clean it that much."

 "He seems..." Danny searches for a word to describe him. " _Intense_."

 "Yeah, I don't know what happened," SJ starts. "He's been like this for a while now, but he didn't use to be. I think it started about four months ago. He's all about cleaning and organizing and being fancy now. Maybe he's in his middle life crisis."

 Danny genuinely laughs at that.

 "Let's just hope he doesn't buy an expensive sports car or a yacht."

 It's SJ's turn to laugh.

 "By the way, I'm sorry for whatever he told you."

 "Don't worry," she waves it off. "Nothing I can't take."

 SJ smiles and sits down next to her on the bed. Maybe a little too close. Danny doesn't move.

 "You do seem like the _tough_ type," she whispers. "In a way."

 Danny clears her throat.

 "Shall we start with the posters?" She changes the subject.

 SJ looks her straight in the eye for a second and then she stands back up.

 "Totally," she replies. "Let's do this."

 Danny's relieved her change of subject worked. She's oddly disappointed, too.

-

 They avidly search for a place to hide, afraid the kids behind them will finally catch up. The footsteps are getting closer and closer, and they still haven't found anything. Suddenly, they see it. There's an open window right in front of them, they can't believe they hadn't noticed it before. They run towards it, the sound of footsteps making them run at a speed they don't think they've ever reached before. But the window doesn't get any closer no matter how fast they run, and the footsteps do.

 "Here she is!" Kid 1 shouts at the other two when he finally gets there. Hearing the pronoun makes them flinch, but they keep trying to run towards the window. They won't give up. "Look! She's trying to run, but she's not moving!"

 "God, she's so stupid," Kid 2 laughs. They flinch again and this time they do give up and stop trying to run. They aren't moving, anyway. 

 "Guys, guys," Kid 3 chimes in. "I don't think those are the right pronouns."

 They stare at Kid 3 in awe. Is he really doing this? Is it possible that at least one person in this room understands, too?

 "What are you talking about?" Kid 1 looks at him like he's gone crazy. "She's got boobs, we can all see that. She's a girl."

 "No, no," Kid 3 shakes his head. "I think the right pronouns are it/its, you know, because it's a freak."

 That's it. They can't handle it anymore. They start crying, and they turn around to face those kids.

 "I'm not a freak!" They scream at them. "I'm not a freak, I'm not a freak!"

 Kid 1 gets closer and starts shaking them softly.

 " _Wake up!_ " He says, but it's not his voice they hear. It's Perry's. And it sounds worried. " _Wake up, honey, please, wake up. You're dreaming, it's not real._ "

 "I'm not a freak," they whisper.

 LaFontaine closes their eyes inside the dream and when they open them again it's Perry they're looking at, not some kid. And they're in their room, not in some weird room with an unreachable window.

 "I'm not a freak," they repeat, looking straight at Perry's eyes. She's just a few inches away, and she's looking at them, too.

 "No, you're not," she echoes their words as she caresses their hair. "You're not a freak. It was just a nightmare, Laf, you're okay. You're okay and you're not a freak. Did you hear me? You're not a freak."

 Laf looks at her wide eyed and starts sobbing again. Perry embraces them and it makes them feel better.

 "It was just a dream," they mumble. Perry nods on their shoulder and Laf breaks the embrace because maybe this is a bit too much. They hate themselves the second they do. They miss Perry's touch. They pull themselves together and wipe the tears from their face before they look at Perry again. The girl hasn't looked away and Laf notices she's sitting on the floor right beside their bed. "Wow, I'm sorry. I'm being really rude." They move to make room for Perry on the bed. "You can sit here if you want."

 "Sure," she says, sitting down next to them. "And you weren't being rude."

 " _Right_ ," Laf smiles. They clear their throat. "What are you doing here anyway?"

 They hear how it sounds the moment they say it.

 "Okay, now I  _was_ rude," they try to fix it. "Sorry. But uh... yeah. Sorry."

 "No, it's fine. I'm... uh..." Perry starts. "I just uh... came by to bring you your chemistry notebook and get mine. We must have swapped them when I was helping you out with your homework. Your mom let me in and told me to come here."

 Laf lazily gets up and stretches their arms before searching for Perry's notebook in their backpack.

 "Bingo!" They joke as they show the notebook to Perry. She smiles at them as they exchange notebooks. "You know, you could have just given it to me on Monday."

 "Yeah, uh, about that," Perry blushes. Laf thinks she's so cute when she's nervous. But, why is she nervous? "I was kind of hoping you could maybe help me out with my biology homework?"

 LaFontaine can't contain the smile that spreads through their face. It's the first time that Perry's asked them to help her. And it wasn't through a stupid text like they always ask her. She actually came to their house with a lame excuse. They think it's sweet. Plus, Perry's wicked smart. They're sure she doesn't need the help. That only makes it better.  
  
 "Yes," they nod. Perry stares at them. "Of course I can help you."

 Perry's excitement reveals when she hugs them. They've barely started to reciprocate the hug when a knock on the door makes them separate from one another.

 "Sorry to interrupt, kids," their mom says. She looks weird. "LaFontaine, can I talk to you in private, please?"

 Laf nods and tells Perry to wait a few minutes. Their mom doesn't say anything until they get to her room and it's kind of making them anxious. Is there something going on?

 "I don't even know how to say this," she starts. _Oh, oh._ Whatever this is, it sounds bad. "Your grandmother is coming to visit for a few weeks and your father um..." _Their father what?_ "Your grandma's got a heart condition or something." _What does that have to do with anything?_ "He wants you to uh..."

 "Mom, just say it and get it over with," they rush her.

 They already know what their mom's going to say, they just hope they're wrong.

 "Your dad wants you to be Susan while your grandmother's here."

 They're usually so happy when they're right about something, but this time... this time they would've given anything to be wrong. They don't say anything to their mom as they walk past her. They get to their room as fast as they can, ignoring their mom's calls. They're greeted by a nervous looking Perry. Right, Perry's here. They wish they could back to being excited about that.

 "Is everything okay?" She asks.

_No. Not everything's okay. In fact, nothing is. My father wants me to be someone I'm not. After all of this struggling. After a year of finally being myself... my father just wants me to throw it all away. So no, not everything's okay. No._

 "I don't know," they lie. "Uh, Perry... do you think we could do this some other time? I don't really feel like homework right now."

 "Sure, honey," Perry smiles knowingly at them and walks to the door. "I'll let myself out." She stands there for a few seconds before walking back and giving them a quick kiss on the cheek. "You can text me or call me if you need anything. Feel better."

 They can hear her run down the hallway and shut the front door.

 Her kiss still burns on LaFontaine's cheek when they shut their own door. And it still burns when they throw themselves on their bed. And it still burns when they're crying their eyes out. And it still burns when they run out of tears. And it still burns when they finally fall back asleep.

-

 Danny feels a piece of paper hit her face. She glares at SJ and throws it back, but the girl hides behind the bedframe before it hits her. Danny growls. They've been brainstorming slogans for the posters for an hour and they still have nothing.

 "How do you feel about ' _If you do all three, you go in for free_ '", SJ suggests, doing her best impression of a movie announcer.

 "Well, first of all, that sounds... weirdly sexual."

 "Oh, the voice or the slogan?" SJ asks sincerely.

 "Both," Danny replies, laughing. SJ throws a pillow this time. Danny catches it in the air and puts it on her back before going back to her lying position on the floor. "I still think we should go simple, you know? I was thinking ' _Swim. Bike. Run._ ' or something."

 "But that's just so boring!" SJ protests. "Might as well have that stupid gathering Mel wanted so bad."

 Danny's smile fades away as she remembers the Summer Society Wednesday meeting they had. Mel hadn't been back to their table since then, but Danny knows she would be. What she doesn't know is what any of them would do. Are they going to pretend it never happened? Is Mel going to bring it up and throw in some more comments? Are any of the girls going to say anything? Should Danny bring it up herself? She knows she would if Mel had attacked any other girl, but she's the President herself. Should she confront her or just ignore it? If she confronts it, she makes it mean something, and that gives Mel power over her. But if she ignores it, she's practically giving her a free pass after doing something wrong. And that gives Mel power over her. Ugh, she's been stressing over this for days.

 "I'm sorry," SJ starts, bringing her back to the real world. She's right beside her now, sitting cross legged, playing with her hair and looking her right in the eyes. "I shouldn't have brought her up. She was a bitch, you know? I don't even think she meant it."

 "I don't care if she did," Danny states. She doesn't look away from SJ. "And I don't care if she didn't, either."

 "And I," SJ touches her nose, "don't believe you." She touches Danny's nose now. Danny closes her eyes. "I could see your face on Wednesday when she attacked you and I can see your face now. And believe me, it's not the face of someone who doesn't care. But there's nothing wrong with that. You're allowed to feel bad when someone attacks you. And Mel attacked you. So you can feel bad."

 "The fact that she attacked me is not what bothers me," she replies. "It's what she said. So really, I don't care if she meant it. I just care about the words she used. They were..." she stops herself mid sentence. She opens her eyes and looks at SJ's, and it somehow calms her more than when she keeps them closed. She decides telling her won't make it any worse. "They were very similar to what my brother said when I came out to him. And that's why I freaked out a bit." SJ nods in understanding and smiles sadly at her. Danny smiles back. "But you're right, she was a bitch."

 That makes SJ laugh and just like that the moment goes away. She lets herself fall on the floor right next to Danny, and it's one of the first times they are face to face without any height difference involved. Danny sees freckles on her nose. She feels this weird need to touch them, but she doesn't.

 "So when did you know?" SJ asks.

 "When did I know what?" Danny questions back.

 "You know, that you were into guys and girls."

 The question catches Danny off guard. Why does SJ seem so interested in this?

 "Um..." Danny thinks about it. "I guess I've always known. I just started noticing others weren't as interested in both as I was around the seventh grade."

 "Did you come out back then?"

 "No, no," she shakes her head. "I came out a few years later. On my sophomore year."

 SJ's eyes look straight at her before she asks her next question.

 "Have you ever been with a girl?"

 "Yeah, a couple," Danny vaguely responds. A grin grows on her face. "What's with all these questions?"

 "I just..." SJ covers her face with a pillow to hide her blush. "I've been thinking about girls a lot lately. And I haven't stopped thinking about guys. I'm confused. And I don't have anyone to talk about it with."

 Danny gets that feeling. She used to feel that way all the time. She still does sometimes. So she reaches for the pillow covering SJ's face and she pulls until SJ lets go of it. She gives her a smile.

 "I'm here if you want to talk now."

 Danny looks as SJ's face lights up with excitement and before she knows it she's answering a million questions she wishes someone would've answered for her three years ago.

-

 Laura looks at Carmilla waiting for her answer impatiently. They've been talking for a while now. Well, Laura's been rambling and asking Carmilla a bunch of questions, which the girl replies to with short, sarcastic answers. But she answers all of them. Sometimes she'll even smile. Laura has a feeling deep inside that the broody girl beside her is actually enjoying herself quite a bit.

 " _Cupcake_ ," Carmilla drawls. Laura doesn't even react to the nickname, she's gotten used to it by now. "Why are you so eager to know what my favorite color is?"

 "Because," she explains, "it says a lot about you. More than you think. For example, my friend Perry's favorite color is yellow. And yellow means she has a need for logical order in her everyday life. And mine is orange, which means-"

 "Black," Carmilla cuts her off. Laura looks at her for a while. "My favorite color is black."

  _Black_ , Laura thinks, _is need for power and control in order to protect her own emotional insecurities._

 "Oh, I don't know that one," is what she says instead.

 Carmilla rolls her eyes and smiles at her. She looks away from her and starts playing with her fingers. She can feel Carmilla still looking at her and she feels the need to talk again. She's not as comfortable with silence as the other girl. Her mouth starts moving without her consent.

 "So what did you do to get detention?"

 Carmilla scoffs and looks at the desks around the room. To be honest, Laura doesn't know why they're sitting on the floor, but it's not uncomfortable.

 "I thought people weren't supposed to ask t-"

 "I beat up two kids," she blurts out before thinking it through.

 Carmilla turns to face her, surprise written on her face. Laura knows she already knew (everyone knew), but it's probably because she's the one telling her. Why is she telling her, again? Maybe it's because she's been so nice all morning. Maybe it's because she feels comfortable around her.

 "Laura..." Carmilla mumbles, and it's the first time she's called her by her name. She likes how it sounds. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, okay?"

 She takes a close look at Carmilla's expression. The girl is obviously curious, but she's not pressuring her. She likes that. So she decides to go for it.

 "But I do," Laura affirms. "I do want to tell you."

 Carmilla's eyes sparkle and she nods. She doesn't stop looking at her.

 "They were talking shit about their moms," Laura starts. "And I... I just couldn't stand it. So I went there and I politely asked them to tone it down a bit, but all they did was laugh at me. They told me to go back to my mommy, and then they called her a whore. And I was not about to let them say that. Even if they didn't know. Even if they didn't know she's-" She stops herself right there. She's not ready to say it out loud in front of someone that isn't her dad. She hasn't in the two years it's been. She looks down at the floor. "It was not a nice thing to say, okay? I was kind of mad and well... I know Krav Maga. So I used some moves and then they were on the floor. As soon as I did it I regretted it. You're not supposed to use martial arts to attack people, you know? Just for self defense. And I knew instantly my mom would've been so disappointed of me." She feels tears start to form on her eyes again. She lets a couple of them fall before talking again. "And so I stood there, sad and angry, next to two unconscious boys I had knocked out until someone called a teacher and he took me to the principal's office."

 Laura's still looking down when she feels a hand on hers. And suddenly she feels like it's the right time. The right time to say it out loud. She couldn't think of a better time. She takes in a deep breath before saying it.

 "Carmilla, my mom's dead."

 She looks up expecting to see pity but meeting anger and understanding instead. She squeezes Carmilla's hand to let her know what she's seeing in her eyes. To let her know she doesn't have to say it out loud. But Carmilla says it anyway.

 "My dad, too," she whispers. "I get it, Laura. All of it. I would've done the same."

 Laura feels a tug in her chest and more tears start falling. Carmilla wipes them away. Laura squeezes her hand harder. She hadn't realized how much she needed this. _Understanding_. Carmilla brings her in a hug and she cries on her shoulder.

 She doesn't notice when she drifts off, but when she does she's still in Carmilla's arms.

-

 Carmilla hears as Laura's breathing becomes even and starts thinking about what had just happened. Laura had seemed broken and Carmilla knows how that feels. Damn right, she knows. She's never stopped feeling that way ever since her dad died when she was ten. She wasn't sure she ever would. With her dad gone, her mom had stopped paying attention to her children. She had taken a full time job and hidden her pain in it. Carmilla often thinks the day her dad died she lost both her parents.

 The one time she thought she'd finally gotten over it, with Elle, had ended up just destroying her even more.

 She shakes those thoughts away by looking at Laura. _Really_ looking at her. She's very close and she can see every little detail. She likes how her nose scrunches up sometimes. She likes the little sounds that are coming out of her mouth. She likes how her embrace tightens at times. But what she likes the most is how peaceful she looks. It makes her feel better. She's still looking at her when she falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can follow me at tokyopolicechamp.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter Three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for the long wait, I just got home yesterday and I was unable to write during my vacation. But the chapter's pretty long so I hope it makes up for it.

_**Tuesday.** _

 Perry opens her notebook and starts reviewing her chemistry homework for the tenth time. Still, she finds herself looking at the door most of the time, waiting for LaFontaine to arrive. They hadn't called her or texted her all weekend, and she's pretty sure they had been ignoring her on Monday. Actually, pretty sure is an understatement. It's clear to her that they'd been ignoring her, and she doesn't know why.

 Suddenly she realizes she's been staring at the door for almost a full minute and looks back at her homework feeling pathetic. She's finally focusing on it when someone sits down next to her. She doesn't bother looking at who it is. She knows she'll probably end up looking at the door again if she does, and she doesn't want to risk it.

  _"Hey,"_ the person greets her after a few minutes of silence.

 She finally looks up to see Kirsch staring at her with a weird look. 

 "Oh, hi, honey," Perry replies. She feels kind of guilty for not paying attention. "I didn't realize it was you, I'm sorry."

 He shrugs it off and casually tries to take a look at her homework. She shifts her notebook so he can't see it and looks at the door again. Ugh. She's being ridiculous.

 "What happened to you yesterday?" She asks, trying to get her mind off of how pathetic she's being. "Why didn't you come to school?"

 "Oh, it was nothing," he waves it off. "Just some family stuff."

 Perry nods. She probably would've noticed there was more to that story if she wasn't so focused on her LaFontaine problem, and she probably would've asked Kirsch if there's something wrong. But she _is_ focused on her LaFontaine problem. So she _doesn't_ notice there's more to the story, and she _doesn't_ ask Kirsch if something is wrong.

 Instead, she looks at the door for the hundredth time just in time to see LaFontaine arrive with that broody girl they always hang out with at lunch. They look at her and she's about to wave at them but they look away and sit down before she can do anything. She feels embarrassed and tries going back to reviewing, but Kirsch closes her notebook and makes her look at him.

 "So?" He asks, raising his eyebrows with a questioning look.

 "So what?" She replies, trying to avoid the conversation at all costs.

 Kirsch gives her an _are you being serious right now_ look, but Perry doesn't say anything.

"How'd it go on Saturday?" He insists.

 "I don't know what you're talking about," she keeps trying. 

 Kirsch rolls his eyes.

  _"Perry."_

 She sighs and looks at Laf again, knowing there's no way to avoid it anymore. They're laughing at whatever the girl is saying. She looks away before they catch her behaving like a stalker.

 "It was going great," she starts. And it's true. It was going _great_ that day. Sure, Laf had had a nightmare and cried, but they got over it. And they joked around with her. And they were going to help her with her biology homework (which they both knew she didn't need help with, and it was just an excuse to hang out, but they were helping her anyway.) "They were even going to help me with something. But their mom called them and after that they just asked me to leave. I know it probably has nothing to do with me, but I'm just worried... I told them to text me or call me or whatever but they didn't. And then I tried talking to them yesterday at lunch and they just made up a really stupid excuse and left. I think they're avoiding me."

  _"Dude,"_ Kirsch says. Perry's eyebrows furrow at the nickname, but she doesn't say anything. There are more important things to focus on right now. "That sucks..."

 Perry scoffs.

 "No, bro, just hear me out." Perry rolls her eyes at the bro thing, but lets it slide once more. "It sucks, but maybe they have a problem or something personal, you know? But they can't avoid you forever. I mean maybe they can, but they won't. You wanna know how I know that?" Perry nods. "Because they like you. They _li-i-ike_ you. They like you so much they text you constantly and ask for your help in stupid assignments we all know they could do by themselves. And they like you so much they probably won't last much not talking to you." She chuckles and hits him playfully in the arm. He pretends to be hurt for a second before talking again. "I'm just saying, sometimes people have problems they have to face alone before they can tell someone. And you just have to give them some time to sort it out, and just be there when the moment comes."

 When Kirsch is done talking she takes a moment to take in his advise. She realizes then there's more to the _just family stuff_ story. He's not just talking about being there for LaFontaine, even if he doesn't know it. He's talking about himself, too. She stops worrying about LaFontaine ignoring her for a moment and focuses on her friend.

 "Thanks, Kirsch," she pats him in the shoulder and gives him a meaningful look. "When the moment comes I'll be here."

 She hopes he notices what she's really saying, but Kirsch's never been good at finding a deeper meaning to people's words. She'll just have to be there, like she said.

 Perry takes one last look at Laf. They're looking at her, but when their eyes meet, they look away.  
  
-

 Carmilla's sitting at the end of the class reading, like she always is. She doesn't pay attention to most of her classes, Math included. She doesn't know why but she looks up from her book and is surprised to see Laura entering the classroom. She never knew she had this class with her. Laura puts her books over the desk in front of the teacher's and yeah, maybe that's why she didn't know they shared this class. After all, Laura's really tiny and there's a sea of heads covering hers. Also, she just really doesn't pay attention in Math.

 Laura looks up to see Carmilla and her face lights up. Carmilla tries not to notice, but it doesn't last long because she can't contain her smile when Laura starts waving at her. She waves back and mumbles a _hey_ with her lips. She's sure Laura's just going to take a sit on the first row, but she surprises her by taking her notebooks back from the desk and reaching the one beside her.  
  
 "What are you doing, cupcake?" Carmilla asks amused.

 "You are not going to stop it with the nicknames, are you?" Laura chuckles.

 "Nope," she smirks. "Sorry, sweetheart."

 Laura rolls her eyes and Carmilla can't help but think it's cute. Laura looks down at her notebook filled with Math stuff, but Carmilla doesn't look away from her face. She suddenly wishes she hadn't skipped school yesterday. She'd missed that little scrunched up face Laura makes so often. She shakes that thought out of her mind and looks back at her book. She's going to start reading when Laura talks again.

 "Anyway," Laura breaks the silence. She has a tendency to do that. "Hi."  
  
 "Hey," Carmilla repeats.

 "I, um..." Laura bites her lips, but doesn't break eye contact. "Didn't see you yesterday."

 Carmilla's playful smirk takes place on her face once more. She debates just telling Laura she'd skipped school, but decides teasing her would definitely be more amusing. She makes sure to use her sultry voice.

 "Were you looking for me, cutie?"

 It works, because Laura blushes and looks away.

 "Yeah," she says. "Kind of."

 "What for?" Carmilla continues.

 Laura's blush deepens. Carmilla doesn't know why she's enjoying this so much, but she is. It's fun.

 "Uh..." Laura mumbles. "Nothing, uh, in particular."

 Carmilla smirks at Laura's stuttering. She's about to say something but the Math teacher comes in.

 "Well," he says. "Where were we?"

 Laura raises her hand, eager to answer. Carmilla thinks it's kind of cute. She's been thinking this a lot lately. How is everything Laura does cute? It can't be. She needs to stop thinking about this now. She tries to focus on her surroundings instead. She notices the teacher looks kind of surprised that Laura's sitting so far away from her desk. Actually, the whole class is surprised she's sitting on the last row. Specially because she's sitting with her, the broody book reader who doesn't pay attention in class but still manages to have decent grades.

 "Yeah, Laura?" Mrs. Turner gives her permission to talk.

 She then proceeds to say a bunch of words Carmilla doesn't really understand. No one seems shocked by this but her, though. The teacher thanks Laura and takes it from there.

 "Wow, cupcake," Carmilla whispers after a while. "You're smart. I like it."

 Surprisingly, Laura doesn't react to this. Carmilla frowns a bit. Maybe this is how Laura feels when she doesn't answer. But why is she ignoring her? Perhaps she just didn't hear her. She gets a bit closer.

 "I like smart girls," she tries.

 She gets nothing but silence as a response. Oh, well. Apparently Laura isn't going to react to anything she says. Carmilla smirks at all of the inappropriate teasing possibilities she has. How many would it take to make Laura crack?

 "Hey, smart girl," she starts. Of course, this doesn't get a reaction. Not that Carmilla thought it'd be that easy. "I bet you could teach me a thing or two."

 Laura moves around her desk but doesn't look at her.

 "Cupcake," Carmilla calls out for her again. Laura puts her index finger against her lips for two seconds, never looking away from the board. "Oh, am I not supposed to be talking?" Laura shakes her head, but still doesn't look at her. "I guess I'm being a bad girl, huh?" Laura's face looks like it's burning but still nothing. Carmilla notices she's about to crack. Just a little push... "Maybe you should punish me."

 And she was right. Laura finally turns to look at her, even the tip of her ears is bright red.

 "Oh my God, Carmilla," she says. Carmilla smirks at how scandalized she sounds, but that doesn't seem the right thing to do. When Laura realizes this is what she wanted all along, she takes a moment to calm down and looks at her with her best poker face. "You should really pay attention, we have a test on Friday."

 She looks away from her and goes back to paying attention to the class. Carmilla stops teasing, but she doesn't even make an effort to pay attention, too. She's too busy staring at Laura.

-

 Danny is so caught up in the conversation she's having with SJ she doesn't notice when Mel shows up for lunch at the Summer Society table. That is, of course, until she starts talking.

  _"Lawrence,"_ she calls out for her, ignoring the fact that she's talking with somebody else. She moves Danny's lunch away and, before she can protest, she puts some papers in front of her. "You have to sign these so we can have the auditorium tomorrow."

 Danny takes a look at the papers in front of her, but doesn't touch them. She looks back at Mel.

 "And what exactly do we need the auditorium for?" She asks, even though she already knows what Mel's answer is going to be.

 "For the gathering, of course."

 Danny tries not to focus on the way Mel talks to her like she's a kid and she's teaching her how to tie her shoes. That'll only rile her up, and she can't be angry right now. She doesn't want another Meeting Fiasco.

 "We already talked about this, Mel," she says in the calmest tone she can manage.

 "Maybe you talked about it with your little girlfriend here," Mel points at SJ and turns to look at her. "Has Danny presented you to her boyfriend yet? Or maybe her other girlfriend? Maybe even a tree? Who knows what this girl is into."

 SJ's hand reaches hers under the table. She gives it a squeeze and takes a deep breath, and she doesn't have the need to count down from ten like last time.

 "You do know that's not how bisexuality works, right?" SJ asks. "Danny likes girls and boys. It's no different from you liking blonds and brunets. It doesn't mean you date the two at the same time, it just means you're attracted to bo-"

 "I'm going to stop you right there," Mel cuts her off. "I don't give a fuck about all that shit, what I _do_  give a fuck about is the Summer Society. We _need_ this gathering. And if Lawrence here is too busy making out with the whole population of this school to schedule it, then I will."

 Danny's anger goes away with a squeeze of SJ's hand, but she's still unable to speak. It doesn't seem to matter, though, because SJ's handling it pretty well on her own.

 "If you don't give a fuck about it, then why do you keep bringing it up?"

 By this time, they already had the full attention of the whole Summer Society (plus a few other noisy students.) Danny swears she hears one of them say _'burn.'_ She smiles. It kind of was a burn.

 Mel seems to be taken aback by this. Her face is bright red and she's trying to mumble something but SJ doesn't let her.

 "Is it because you're jealous she's not making out with you?"

 The people listening make 'oooh' sounds. It's pretty obvious SJ is taking Mel down, and Mel is not happy about that. She ignores SJ's questions and looks at Danny.

 "Will you just sign the papers?" She says.

 Danny swears she sees a hint of begging in her eyes. She almost pities her. Almost.

 "No, Mel," she finally speaks up. "We've talked about this, and we're not having a gathering. SJ and I already made the posters and we're putting them up today. We had a vote, and your idea lost. It's how the world works."

 Mel glares at her and takes the papers. She's about to leave when Danny realizes there's one thing left she has to say.

 "Oh, and Mel?" The girl turns around and quirks her eyebrows. "You need to stop. If you keep saying that kind of stuff, we can kick you out. And I don't think you want that, do you?"

 Danny watches as a desperate look crosses Mel's face. It disappears almost right away and leaves Mel's poker face right back where it belongs.

 "You can't do that."

 "Yes, we can," she replies. "I don't think Mr. Bennet, our dear principal, condones biphobia."

 "Or bullying in general," SJ adds.

 Mel doesn't even try to mumble words. She just glares at them one last time, and leaves enraged. 

 "SJ, that was amazing," Danny turns to look at the girl beside her.

 SJ smiles at her and gives her hand a squeeze. That's when Danny realizes they're still holding hands. She doesn't know how to let go of it gracefully. She doesn't even know if she wants to let go of it, but she knows she has to. So she takes her hand out of SJ's grip and puts it up in the air. SJ looks a bit hurt but high five's her anyway.

 They go back to eating as the Summer Society girls fall back into their conversations.  
  
 "Hey, have you noticed she always ends up leaving?" SJ asks after a while, taking a bite of her sandwich.

 "I hadn't noticed," Danny smiles. "I guess I just don't really care."

-

 They leave their tray of food in front of them before sitting down next to Carmilla. They expect her to remain quiet, as always. Actually, they could do with a bit of quiet right now. But that's not what they get.

 "I think you should apologize to Perry," Carmilla suddenly says. LaFontaine chokes on their sandwich and looks straight at her, but she's looking at her food. "You're being a dick and she doesn't deserve it."

 "I... tell her..." they find themselves unable to form a coherent sentence. They clear their throat and try again. "I just don't want to tell her."

 "Then don't," Carmilla reasons. "I can tell she's not the kind of person who'll try to force it out of you." She does have a point, that's not at all what Perry had tried to do the day before, but Laf had blown her away either way. "Just talk to her. Apologize. Don't be stupid."

 LaFontaine looks over at the table Perry's sitting at. It's not too far away. They're about to go when they realize she's with Kirsch again today.

 "I'll do it," they assure their friend. "When she's alone."

 Carmilla doesn't look away from them, like she's trying to decipher if they're just saying that to get her off their back.

 "I promise I'll do it, okay?"

 She rolls her eyes.

 _"Okay."_  
  
 "Okay."

 "..."

 "So, how was Math?" They try changing the subject.

 They expect her to say something like 'pretty uneventful' and start eating again without any other word, but apparently today Carmilla is full of surprises.  
  
 "Pretty good," Carmilla replies. "Laura was there. She sat next to me. I guess that was cool."

 LaFontaine knows she's more excited about it than she's letting on. They're almost sure they saw a glint on her eyes when she had said Laura's name. They make a quick decision to leave the teasing for later. There's actually something else that's been bugging them since Wednesday.

 "So did she tell you?" They ask.

 "Tell me what?"

 They roll their eyes (a habit they got from Carmilla.)

 "Why she did it."

 "Oh, yeah," Carmilla starts eating again. "She told me at detention."

 Laf looks up from their food with an eyebrow raised.

 "Why haven't I heard of this before?"

 "It was no big deal," Carmilla waves it off. "You had bigger problems."

 They ignore the last part, like they've been ignoring the bigger problem altogether.

 "So?"

 "..."

 "Why did she do it?"

 Carmilla remains silent.

 "Come on."

 "It's private," she finally says. "I can't tell you."

 "Oh," they stop themselves before asking again. They definitely understand things being private. And they know Carmilla won't tell them if it is. It's one of the many things they like about being her friend, they know she doesn't go around telling other people's secrets, so they know they can trust her. "It's fine."

 They're about to start talking about how North Korea's nuclear tests could trigger a volcanic eruption when Laura herself gets to their table. They feel a sudden change in Carmilla's behaviour as she turns around to look at Laura.

 "Hey, guys," Laura greets them (well, she's mostly looking at Carmilla, but she still said guys as in plural, so Laf takes it as a greeting). "Can I sit with you?"

 "Sure, cutie," Carmilla responds almost instantly.

 Laf grins and kicks her under the table as Laura sits down next to her. Carmilla glares at them.

 "So what were you talking about?" Laura asks.

 LaFontaine smiles and thinks about answering something among the lines of _oh, we were just talking about you and how Carmilla is smitten as a kitten._

 "Urine chargers," Carmilla replies quickly, looking at them angrily, like she'd read their mind and was trying to avoid them telling that to Laura at all costs. It was still nice to know she remembered the urine chargers.

 They laugh at Carmilla's look and turn to look at Laura. She seems confused at first, but then she looks pretty interested.

 "Is that real?" She questions. Laf nods. "How do they work?"

 Carmilla groans at having to hear this again, but Laf gives her a _you got yourself into this_ look and then turns to Laura and smiles.

 "Okay," they start. "So you don't pee on the thing you're charging, because, you know, _gross_. But the thing is... urine passes through a cascade of microbial fuel cells and this harnesses power and scientists have actually managed to charge a Samsung phone this way." They look at Laura and how she seems super into this. It feels amazing. Not that Carmilla's not interested in their crazy science stories, it's just she doesn't demonstrate it as much as Laura is doing right now. "So like, think about it. What if we were able to put these things in like public bathrooms? We could power the lights and showers with urine."

 "And since everyone has to pee, it would be a renewable source!" Laura chimes in. Laf nods excitedly. "Wow, that's amazing."

 "It is!" They agree. "So, in a completely unrelated topic, I read yesterday that North Korea's nucl-"

 "Not to ruin your science fun," Carmilla cuts them off. Laf glares at her. "But Ginger 2 is alone. And you promised."

 Laf looks over at the table where Perry's sitting alone. Apparently Kirsch had left already. They look at Carmilla and they know they don't stand a chance. They have to do it.

 "We'll continue this conversation later," they say looking at a confused Laura.

 They gulp and stand up. And with one last look at Carmilla (they can practically hear her voice telling them not to fuck up), they make their way to Perry's table.

-

 Will greets him with a high five when he gets to the Zeta table. He didn't really want to leave Perry alone but he had promised Will he'd be there that day. He hadn't been to the Zeta table as much as he used to, because he couldn't do much of the stuff the guys planned anyway and that made him kind of sad.

 There was a time when he'd sit with the Zetas everyday, went to parties every Friday and watched every football game eating hot-dogs at some Zeta guy's house. But those days were over the moment his dad saw his grades and decided he needed to dedicate all of himself to swimming if he wanted to do something with his life.

 "You know," Will says putting a hand over his shoulder. "When you said you'd come I was hoping you'd bring your mind, too."

 "Sorry," Kirsch mumbles.

 He looks over at the table he left Perry at and is glad to see Laf is sitting there with her. He feels a bit better after that.

 "So what's up with you?" Will asks. "It's been a while since we talked."

 "We talked this morning."

 "You know what I mean," Will sighs. He looks genuinely worried. Kirsch feels even worse when he realizes he's been neglecting his bro. "What's on your mind?"

 He takes a long breath. Could he tell Will? He knows he won't say anything. What he's worried about is making it real. As long as he doesn't tell anyone, he can pretend none of this is happening, but the second he does...

 "I'm just tired," he says. "Yesterday my coach made me train all day."

 _And when I tried telling him I had school he told me I didn't need school because I wouldn't learn anything anyway. He said I was stupid. He said my only way in is through swimming. He's right._  
  
 His train of thought is interrupted by Will swinging his hands in front of his face, trying to get back his attention.

 "Kirsch," he starts. "This needs to stop."

 "What?"

 "Your dad is pushing you too hard," he continues. "If he keeps doing it you'll break. You need to tell him he's gone too far. You need to train, okay. But you also need to study. You need to sleep. You need to have some time for yourself. And if you don't tell him, I will. I won't stand here and watch you fall apart."

 Kirsch's hands are sweating and he feels like he'd been standing near a construction and a brick fell on his head. He stands up and starts to walk around the table. He stops next to Will.

 "You mean my _coach_ ," he says. "Not my dad."

 "No, Kirsch," Will shakes his head. "Seriously, look how _traumatized_ you are. You even have to call him something else so you won't feel bad. He's your dad. Your dad is doing this to you. And you need to tell him to stop."

 Kirsch falls back on his seat and puts his face on his hands. He feels desperate. He wants to tell Will he's wrong. It's his coach the one treating him like that, not his dad. But at the same time, he knows it's not like that. He knows Will is right. About everything.

 "I just don't know how to do it."

 He feels Will pull his hands away from his face.

 "So I'll help you." He opens his eyes and looks at Will, who's giving him a sad smile. "Isn't that what bros are for?"

 Kirsch gives him a sad smile. With Will's help, he thinks maybe he can do it. Maybe he can stand up to his coach. _No_. Maybe he can stand up to his _dad_.

-

 After LaFontaine leaves, Laura and Carmilla fall into silence. Carmilla seems to be more than fine with it, but Laura's never been much of a fan of silence. And she hates it even more since her mom died, because it seems like it's all her dad was left with. So she's used to filling it.

 "So Laf likes science."

 She expects at least an answer to work with, but apparently that's not very Carmilla-like.

 "Yeah, they do."

 Laura stops herself from face-palming.

 "Do you um..." she starts. "Do you make it a habit of bothering people when they're trying to pay attention in Math class?" 

 "No, that's more of a sitting with Laf at Biology kind of thing," Carmilla replies. "On Math I read."

 She quirks her eyebrows in confusion.

 "But you did it at Math today..."

 "I made an exception," she smirks. "Just for you."

 Carmilla winks at her and Laura can feel herself blushing. She hates blushing at everything Carmilla does or says, but it's kind of inevitable. She's already accepted that. She can feel Carmilla staring at her like she did during the Math class. She smiles and lets silence fall upon them again while she finishes eating her lunch. And this time she doesn't try to fill it.

-

 They take a moment just to look at her, with her yellow turtleneck and her beautiful long curly red hair. She's sitting there, playing with her food (they notice she does that a lot) and looking kind of sad. They're about to say something when she looks back and sees them. They try not to make much of how when she sees them her face lights up.

 She opens her mouth as if to say something, but not a sound comes out of it. It hits LaFontaine that maybe she's scared they'll go away again. Their face softens and they gesture towards the chair next to Perry's with a questioning look. She nods.

 "Um..." Laf starts mumbling and they suddenly realize that they don't have a clue what they're going to say to Perry. They hadn't planned anything. They take a few seconds before going with the simplest thing that crosses their mind. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I've been acting like a jerk."

 Perry looks at them straight in the eyes and smiles and a warm sensation overcomes them. It gives them the last push they needed to keep going. Maybe telling Perry is not a bad idea after all.

 "Remember when you were at my house and my mom called me?" Perry nods. "Okay, so... um..." Making the decision of telling her was one thing, but actually telling her seemed way harder. They take a long breath and speak as fast as they can. "So-my-mom-called-me-to-tell-me-my-grandma-is-coming-home-for-a-while-and-I-have-to-be-Susan-again-because-my-dad-thinks-she-won't-react-well-to-me-being-gender-neutral-and-so-I-"

 "Whoa, whoa," Perry stops them. "Um... so from what I could understand your parents want to throw you back in the closet because your grandma is coming to your house for a while?"

 Laf looks down to their hands that are over the table. They start fidgeting with their fingers before nodding. Perry's hand takes theirs and makes them stop and look at her.

 "Then you had every right to be a jerk."

 "No," Laf says shaking their head. "I did not. You didn't do anything wrong and I took it out on you. You just wanted to help and I was an asshole and please forgive me, I'm so sorry."

 "Calm down, sweetie," Perry smiles at them and caresses their cheek. "I forgive you. And I'm here for you."

 Laf doesn't fight the smile that spreads through their face, but they do fight the tears that scream to come out every time they remember what their parents want them to do.

-

 Carmilla shoves her notebooks and books on her locker and leaves a single philosophy book on her backpack. She takes it out and reads a random page. She smiles. She had made the right decision when taking that book from the library.

 She closes her locker and almost lets the book fall when she sees Laura waiting for her there. She looks kind of nervous, so she rules out teasing her about creepily waiting for her behind a locker.

 "What is it, cutie?" She asks instead.

 "I just..." Laura mumbles. "Um..."

 Carmilla smirks and raises an eyebrow.

 "I just kind of..." Laura tries again. Carmilla thinks about teasing her again, but decides against it. She'll let Laura say whatever she has to say first. "I just wanted to give you this."

 She hands her a piece of paper, which Carmilla moves to take with a confused look on her face. Their fingers brush and she pretends not to notice the electricity that runs through her arm after they do. Although she does not ignore Laura's blushing.

 "Okay, bye!" Laura says before she can open the paper or say anything.

 She runs off through the sea of people that are Silas High's hallways after class. She's out of Carmilla's sight after just a few seconds.

 Carmilla plays with the paper on her hands before finally deciding to open it.

 She smiles and leans on her locker while staring at Laura's number.

-

  
 She's thinking about how this is the last year she's going to participate in the Adonis Triathlon, how this is her last year in the Summer Society, how this is her last year in high school in general, when she finishes putting up her stack of posters. She looks at it one last time (it reads Free Homecoming? Sign up for the Adonis Triathlon! Best three go in for free.) before leaving to look for SJ.

 She finds her fighting with a ladder.

 "Do you need help?" Danny asks.

 SJ turns to look at her with relief written on her face.

 "Yes, please."

 Danny smiles and helps her put it up against a wall. Their fingers brush and SJ quickly takes her hand away. Danny holds the ladder still with a weird look on her face as SJ climbs it with her last Adonis poster.

 "I'm sorry about the whole hand holding thing at lunch," she suddenly blurts.

 So that's what the whole taking her hand away thing was about.

 "Don't be," Danny says with the most reassuring tone she can manage. "You kept me calm, and I needed that."

 SJ stops in the middle of the ladder and looks down at Danny, she feels like she's searching her for some kind of clue. She makes sure to keep her face as emotionless as possible.

 "Yeah," SJ answers. "I just think I overdid it a bit." 

 Danny pretends there's a problem with holding the ladder so she can look away from SJ's eyes.

 "Nah, it's fine." She looks back up. "Thank you for not letting me lose control and for handling Mel."

 "It was a team effort," SJ waves off and finally starts climbing again. She quickly puts up the poster.

 "It really wasn't," Danny admits as SJ starts to make her way back down. "You took her down on your own. And you calmed me. Thank you."

 "You're wel-" SJ begins to say, but she doesn't get to finish because in that moment she falls down. Danny is quick to catch her, but they both end up on the floor.

 SJ looks at her with a meaningful look Danny can't ignore anymore, mostly because the girl is on top of her and her eyes are just a few inches away. She just lays there, unable to move a single muscle, while SJ puts a stray of her hair behind her ear. She doesn't find her words until SJ looks down at her lips.

 "So, was that your last poster?" She blurts out.

 A part of her hates herself, another hates herself even more. Why couldn't she just shut up? SJ's meaningful look goes away as she stands up and offers her hand to Danny.

 "Yeah, it was." She looks at Danny one last time. "Okay, I guess I'll go now. See you around."

 Danny finds herself unable to speak once again, and just stands there, feeling really  _stupid_ , as she watches SJ walk away from her.

-

 When Carmilla gets to her house, she tries to be as quiet as possible. She does this sometimes, when she just doesn't feel like eating with her family. Her mom never seems to notice. She goes straight upstairs and takes her philosophy book out of her backpack.

 She doesn't even try to hide the fact that she didn't take it out to read it. She shakes it until she finds what she was looking for, looks at the number written on the paper Laura gave her and saves it on her phone.

 And then she sits there, on her bed, staring at it.

 She doesn't get it. She's not the kind of girl who gets nervous when texting another girl. She really isn't. At least she never was. She can't explain it, not even to herself, but the thought of texting Laura does make her nervous. Specially because she doesn't know what the hell to write.  
  
 She decides to go simple.

  **Unknown (8:34pm):**   _hey, cupcake_

 She leaves the phone by her side and gets her book, but Laura's reply doesn't take that long. She's barely opened her book when her phone chimes. 

   
**Laura (8:37pm):** _who is this?_

 

_Is this girl for real?_

**Carm (8:38pm):** _do you just go around giving people your number?_  
**Laura (8:38pm):** _shut up :P_  
**Laura (8:39pm):** _it was a joke_

 Carmilla actually laughs, but she will not put the dreaded _lol_. She still has some self respect.

  **Carm (8:40pm):** _heads up, cupcake, jokes are supposed to be funny_  
  **Laura (8:40pm):** _oh, come on_  
  **Laura (8:40pm):** _don't get all broody on me now_  
  **Laura (8:42pm):** _anyways what's up_

 After that, Carmilla just lets Laura lead the conversation (because apparently her texting skills can not be trusted when talking to this particular girl.)

-

 Kirsch takes a deep breath before entering his house.

 "Hi, honey," his mom smiles at him from the kitchen. "Are you okay?"

 "Yeah," he lies. "Yeah, I'm fine."

 He walks over to his dad's office. He tries to remember the things Will had said as he walks, the scenarios they had practiced, but it's all fading away.

 "Wilson," his dad acknowledges him.  
  
 He goes back to reading some papers right after that. Kirsch awkwardly stands there for a while, trying to remember the words he had been practicing for hours with Will. But with his dad sitting in front of him, he can't seem to get them out.

 "Wilson," his dad looks up to him and quirks his eyebrow. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

 In this moment, Kirsch knows nothing but fear. What is he doing? Why is he doing this? His da- _coach_. His coach is right. Swimming is his only way into college. He only wants the best for him, why should he complain?

 "No," he answers. "Nothing. Good night."

  He runs up to his bedroom and throws himself over his bed feeling useless and ungrateful and just so fucking _stupid._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow me at tokyopolicechamp.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> you can follow me on tumblr at tokyopolicechamp.tumblr.com  
> I'll answer any question!


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